The Second Book of Samuel

I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.” -2 Samuel 6:21

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We should not be ashamed to make fools of ourselves for God’s sake. We may have seen people preaching on the street, holding signs, singing in church, maybe even dancing. Perhaps we feel embarrassed for them, perhaps we would like them to stop or we hurry by hoping to not catch their glance? Perhaps we think their display perverts our own vision of God? It is something I struggle with myself. I wish so badly I could be different. Everyone sings and I can not, everyone dances and I can not. My pride will not let me. I have a dangerously high level of self-awareness and it affects the way I allow myself to enjoy things in public. As some of you already know, I grew up with a born again Christian grandpa that would make us bow our heads and pray at public restaurants, he’d even want us to hold his hand while doing this! In those moments I could not fight the redness on my cheeks when I was asked to bow my head and pray in front of strangers. On the other end of this my brothers and my dad wouldn’t put up with it and verged on or dove into atheism. My mom and I were in the middle somewhere and had to find our way, tip toe, so as to not be seen by either side lest a judgmental eye strike us down in our quiet pursuit of God’s peace, discreetly going to church, praying our silent prayers. It is still hard to talk about my faith to many who have left it. And we are told not to preach to nonbelievers because our precious words will be wasted on “thorns”. But I can’t help thinking, surely if I am a lily among thorns, I should not be ashamed to let the light pass through my petals and the dew form on my leaves. So with this thought I am teaching myself to slap away that ego thing we call pride. #babysteps

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